Busy … in Belgium!

I’ve been busy the last couple of days, the reason why I haven’t been posting anything either. Yep, I’ve been busy making a (virtual) trip to Belgium and I'm back with a new friend!

Flummoxed? Well, here it is. Truth is, I’ve been a little busy with work and in the meanwhile, I received an email from one of my blog readers. Yep, a personalized email!!!

I should mention that I was elated when I read the first couple of lines at least ;). Anyway, her name is Mush and she’s from Belgium. Here’s the email (with her permission to reproduce it here) and my reply:

Warning: This email is pretty loooooong and consists of a discussion of some serious stuff.

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Greetings Miss Iyer

Hello, my name is Mush and i have been reading your blog on quite a regular basis (from the time i came upon it by chance). I thought that you are a very witty writer, some of your articles do make me smile after a hard days work of looking after a toddler!

I kept your blog add in my favourites because........
you are from India. My apologies, i am half indian (my dad side is from south india, tamil nadu, they all speak Tamil, i only understand it but cant seem to pronounce any of the words correctly) I grew up watching all kinds of tamil movies and have quite a 'hopeless' image of india. Whenever i discuss India with my friends, most of them will point out all the negative side of it - some say its heading towards being the next lost continent!

But like the few left around, i am hopefully despite of all the poverty, corruption.... and whatever else un-mentionable, there is yet still hope for India! Other than Bollywood, coming across your blog has made me see the hopeful side of India. I am surprised at the many Indian bloggers who right beautifully! So i am glad to made this discovery that such a handful or millions more of you out there in India. Educated, great writers and very globalise!

Are marriages still being fix for daughters in the family? Is giving dowry a compulsory thing also? Are daughters allowed to make their own choice of husbands?
What about if you are out & abouts in the evening say at 9pm, is it safe to come home on your own?

Pardon me for my naivity and ignorance, i just want to know what its like really in India, someday i hope to be able to have the guts to visit India (my father land). My husband has been there and stayed for 6 months. His experience both positive and negative leaves me scared but at the same time curious to come visit!

Thank you for reading my email.
One of your blog readers
Mush
http://voskenslaan.blogspot.com/

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And my reply!

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Hello Mush,

First of all, thank you for emailing. As much as I enjoy waking up every morning to find comments on my posts, I must admit that I was overwhelmed to see a personalized email from a reader. You have no idea how much joy this email has brought me; and I’m glad my posts could make you smile.

But, first things first, you sure did take a risk by writing to me (if you expected a reply that is); ‘cause if you had had the chance to read my most recent post, you’d have known that I hate answering emails (or calling back for that matter). But lo, looks like I’ve surprised myself yet again! :-D

On a more serious note, the minute I saw your email, I wanted to write back to you instantly (the hasty person that I am). Nevertheless, since your mail consisted of a lot of serious questions/doubts/apprehensions about India in general, its future, about the people and whatever is left of its culture, I thought it best to spend some time and give you the best possible answers (at least in my humble opinion).

It’s nice to have come across someone from Belgium with an Indian descent. And you’re right; few Indian movies really make an effort to reflect its culture or society in a just manner. If anyone from any part of the world would want to associate Tamilians with Tamil movies, then their views of us would be really weird stuff!

Girl running away from a college drop-out guy, guy chasing her through a fields and trees in the middle of nowhere. Throw in some fights, squeeze in a few songs and then they live happily ever after!

Obviously, that’s not even CLOSE to the true picture.

All those weird stuff the rest of the world thinks about us by watching those movies, clearly isn’t true. Indeed, like your friends rightly pointed out, there are negative sides too. I mean, is there a single country that isn’t suffering from political/economic instability? Ours simply include some more tragic issues such as poverty, bribery, corruption, security issues... name anything you want to, that adds oil to the already flaming fire that a developing country like ours shouldn’t have. And off late, the rapid consumption of westernization isn’t helping either. The impact obviously is HUGE in a small country like ours, also the second most densely populated in the world.

Yep, we’ve got it all! But despite that, we still have the bond that keeps us tied to our motherland and the culture that has been rooted for over millions of years. We respect our parents, have dinner with our family everyday, meet relatives and friends over birthdays and on weekends (we don’t need an occasion or a reason to party et al), festivals and family gatherings are a part of our weekly or monthly schedules, every second marriage doesn’t end in a divorce and our marriage success rate is high; which by itself shows our tolerance as well ;).

To answer your questions quite simply:

Are marriages still being fix for daughters in the family? YES, for sons too.
Is giving dowry a compulsory thing also? No.
Are daughters allowed to make their own choice of husbands? Yes and No.
What about if you are out & abouts in the evening say at 9pm, is it safe to come home on your own? Again, yes and no.

I know that most of these single-syllable answers will puzzle anyone who doesn’t know much about us or attempts to discover us through movies. So here it is,

Are marriages still being fix for daughters in the family? Are daughters allowed to make their own choice of husbands?

Yes, some marriages are still being fixed for daughters as well as sons by the family members. But in most families these days, parents are oh-so-willing to allow their sons and daughters to choose their spouse. Needless to say, if they don’t get married when they are supposed to, parents do interfere. Psstt, it’s a big deal in the Indian community if one isn’t married :).

Is giving dowry a compulsory thing also?

Dowry isn’t compulsory. In fact, if I’m not wrong, I think there are laws against both offering and demanding dowry. Besides, Indian women are approaching their career and their identity in the society so much so, that they are regarded as almost equal to men. Evidently, the need for dowry doesn’t arise. Or at least *I* think so!

What about if you are out & abouts in the evening say at 9pm, is it safe to come home on your own?

Again, yes and no. I presume I don’t have explain why.


Regardless, it is pretty evident from your email that these questions were only case-scenarios for you to get an idea of what we are now or where we are heading to. Clearly, these answers would prove futile in attempting to resolve those apprehensions.

What is India like today and where are we heading to? I can assure you, we are definitely not a lost country! We never were. What with the Americans losing their jobs to Indians and the cash flow into our country gaining its momentum in geometric ratios every single fiscal year, it sure is going somewhere. Although I know very little about economics or about how a country is gauged on its economic stability, I certainly know it isn’t going down the drain at least.

And what’s more, IMHO, I really think that with a perfect blend of culture thrown in along with the current style of living, I do hope there’s light at the end of the tunnel for us Indians!

I’m not sure if I made any sense AT ALL in all this long rant, but I’d surely love for you to visit India sometime. And I hope that we will change your idea about us then.

Also, I’d like to know more about you, your parents and your family. How life there is; where you spent your childhood etc. Basically, eager to know some background! :)

Furthermore, with your permission, I’d like to post your email and my reply on my webblog (of course I’ll conceal your identity if you want me to). My frequent visitors may have an opinion or two to give you (and me) in the process. I completely understand though, if you wish me not to post it.

Cheers
Miss Iyer

PS: Interesting name you’ve got there. What does it mean?

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She replied almost instantly and as you can see has let me post her letter in my space. For the most part, my reply could have been wrong. I’d like for you guys to go ahead and address either Mush or me and enter comments/suggestions for either one of us; where we went wrong, what isn’t true et al.

I’m yet to reply to her email, I’m THAT busy. ;)