License to Kill

Note: This post has got nothing to do with the latest Bond movie with its tag line “License to Thrill” although it’s in perfect timing.

I am on Lord Yama’s “Most Wanted” list.

Don’t believe it? (Or are you among those who really want to believe it and desperately want to see it happen soon?) Ahem! But yeah, at the end of this narration you sure will believe that I really am on Lord Yama’s “Most Wanted” list. In fact, I top the list.

For the benefit of those who do not know what I am talking about — I dream a lot. In fact I dream tonnes! I can dream almost every night and most nights I dream more than once. And strangely enough, unlike others who have trouble even remembering if they dreamt the previous night at all, I can well remember my dreams the next morning. And it’s not as if I dream that I’m out camping, or learning how to dance ballet, or being on a date with Antonio Banderas! These are crazy dreams that require a lot of mental stability to remember the next morning; know what I mean? :-D

On a serious note, often times, they are everyday events or events I would wish happened. But one of them recurring dreams is of someone killing me, or at least trying to kill me. Although each time the person trying to cold-bloodedly murder me, is different. (Poor me, don’t you think?)

I was six when I first dreamed that I was going to be killed by a lion and a snake hiding under my bed. I am aware of the fact that they are there, but I know for sure that if I put my foot down they’d pounce on me and eat me up. Fancy how a lion and a snake would team up on an act like that, AND sure enough WAIT for me to get out of my bed and not actually jump on the bed and eat me up!?!?! Phew! That was more like a nightmare than a dream o’course.

And then the tradition carried on till when I was 15 when I dreamed that my uncle was trying to kill me by strangling my neck. This time, not just me, our entire family; the best part being, all four of us diligently standing in a queue awaiting our turn to be strangled.

The next was when I was 23; a pal of mine stabbing me on the stomach multiple times with that devilish laugh of his on the background (much like our Bollywood movies). I dare not give his name here, lest he stabs me for real!

A few months back one of these creepy nightmares had me call every single person on my phonebook living in the city of Bangalore. I successfully had half the city up at 2:00 AM and told them that someone was trying to kill me through the phone. Through the phone? Yes, through the phone. You’re NOT listening. I told you it’s my dream!!!

If by now, you are thinking of closing my blog and moving on to read something on a much saner level, hang on, you still haven’t read the part where I am on the “Most Wanted” list remember?

Alright, getting to that, last night I dreamt that I am crossing a swamp of wasted land with some of the farmers in the village (don’t ask me which village or how I got there). The next minute I hear them screaming at me asking me to run for my life and then all I see are hundreds of thousands of wild buffalo’s running at my direction (picture the stampede from that Lion King movie). That is correct! All of them trying to attack me and I’m running for my life. In the end of course I dauntlessly shake them off!

So what has this got to do with poor ‘ol Lord Yama? Well, legend has it that Lord Yama, the Lord of death rides on a buffalo and pulls the soul from the corpse. Now, if he has to send thousands of them buffalos, he sure must need me desperately and yeah, I must really top the "Most Wanted" list, don't you think?

Meanwhile, I’m seeing my psychoanalyst to try and analyze my peanut-sized brain if any of these dreams are conveying anything brighter than death!